The Loss of a Child

babyOne of the hardest things to do is walk through life with our friends when they have suffered a loss.  We don’t know what to say and we don’t know how to act – it is just uncomfortable.  Being uncomfortable causes us to look for a way to make the situation less uncomfortable, so we try to explain the loss, give them some resources to help them grieve – we want to DO SOMETHING.

October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day.  I didn’t know how to help make people aware and then I realized I have a blog and I should share my own story.

This is the first time I have written down my story…….

In the Fall of 2010, we experienced a miscarriage.  It was hard for my husband and I.  I went in for my first appointment at the clinic and when I mentioned I had some spotting they gave me an ultrasound right away.  The ultrasound was taken early on…only 8 weeks in.  I could see the baby but I couldn’t hear a heart beat.  I was told that it was early in the pregnancy so it could still be normal to not hear a heart beat so they scheduled me to come back in a week because by then a heart beat would be a for sure thing.

I remember praying and trusting that God was taking care of my baby.  The next week I returned confidently, by myself for the follow up ultrasound.  I will never forget the words,”There is no heartbeat and the baby hasn’t grown anymore since last time.”  It took me a moment to understand….the baby had passed.

I don’t know how I arrived safely to my home that day, because I was driving with eyes that were pouring out tears.  I told my husband and he hugged me but that was the end of his response.

Little did I know what would come next- informing everyone that knew we were pregnant that we had lost the baby.  I heard everything.  People who asked what I had done as if it was my fault.  People who who wanted to pray to bring my baby back.  People who froze because they didn’t know what to say.  People who said it must have been God’s plan.  I can look back now and understand that the people around me were just trying to do something or say something to help.

But the people who helped me the most were the ones who shared their stories of miscarriage with me.  The people who helped me embrace the idea that even though it was early on in the pregnancy, I still needed to grieve.

It was still a loss and it was my child.

God took me on a great journey of trusting Him even in the things I don’t understand and He continues to teach me how to support my friends who are going through loss of different kinds.

If you would like to be vulnerable share your own story in the comments, if you would like to hear the rest of my journey follow my blog because I will write more soon and if you have lost a child hit like so that we can all know we aren’t alone.

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3 thoughts on “The Loss of a Child

  1. In a writing class last week we were asked to write about a loss. I wrote of the loss of my child on March 5th, 1980 by miscarriage. I was 5 months along. The baby had physical problems with parts outside the body that should not be. I realize that children with difficulties can be a blessing but in that time period, there would have been alot of suffering for the child. So I am glad that my baby was taken to heaven and made whole. But also in that time period,there was no thought about grieving or any support from anyone for it. Life went on with God’s help. Thirty plus years later at a Women of Faith event, my floodgate broke open when Angela Smith was speaking. I was with my daughter and tried to explain. She did understand . I was able to read the speaker’s book and have some healing take place. Although healing took place, there will always be some amount of grief for the loss of my child. I am so glad that these kind of losses can now be acknowledged and that help is okay.

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  2. Pingback: Healing After Losing a Child | Beloved Mujer

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